Bubblegum Bitch
by Supporting Character
Summary: Alfred has a habit of chewing gum constantly, and it's driving Ivan crazy. Asking him to stop doesn't work, so he comes up with a rather inventive plan. Canonverse, human names used anyway. Slight RusAme.


Chewing, chewing, chewing! His lips smacked wetly and the gum poked through, faded from pink to beige, and Ivan felt sick as he looked at its cartoon-brain texture. Alfred just wouldn't stop, no matter how many times he was asked, by Ivan, by Arthur - even Kiku had asked once, albeit in a roundabout, painfully polite way. It was a constant background noise. If Alfred wasn't eating, he was chewing bubblegum, and that was that.

But Ivan couldn't leave it at just that. Every movement of that perfect jaw made him want to pull his hair out – or, even better, Alfred's hair. It was getting harder to control himself as time went on, too. Ivan could hardly stand the noise, and this meeting was no exception.

It was getting harder and harder to focus on Alfred's words, on the dull topics the American was babbling about. It seemed that his voice was disappearing and the smacking of that disgusting gum was getting louder. It was hurting his ears, and he felt sick to his stomach with every open-mouthed chew.

He could smell it, too, even across the room. A fake, sweet smell. Even for someone with as much of a sweet tooth as Ivan, it was repulsive: a chemical scent, not a natural one. It permeated Alfred, everywhere, country and body, just as much as the greasy smells of fast food did. Ivan thought he was going to throw up with the strong smells invading his nose.

Noise, smell, motion, color, it was all too much. He tended to be a little oversensitive to these things, not that he admitted it, but at this point it was hard not to. It was driving him insane, or...more insane, he supposed. This whole country was sensory overload, and Alfred was at the heart of it all.

If only he would stop chewing that damn gum.

* * *

"All right, I guess we can wrap up for today," Alfred said with a stretch, yawning wide and showing off the gum that was stuck to one molar. Ivan shivered, and gathered his papers with an unnecessary slowness. This had to stop, and apparently, stopping it was completely up to Ivan. He frowned at his papers, thinking. Was there a sure way to make him stop, or would it always be temporary solutions? His gaze strayed up, to Alfred's constantly moving jaw, and he felt something along with the disgust. That jaw, those lips, those eyes...Alfred really was attractive.

And that gave Ivan an idea. He only had to wait.

* * *

Finally, the meeting room had almost cleared, and Alfred was ready to head out the door. He had just started to turn the doorknob when Ivan grabbed his wrist, maybe a little harder than was necessary.

"Let's talk, Alfred," he said with a tight smile to tell Alfred that Ivan was serious. It looked more vicious than serious, though, and Alfred was fearing for his life by the time the meeting room was empty. Hisnnerves were causing his gum-chewing to be louder than ever, and Ivan was barely able to control himself as Heracles finally woke up and dragged himself away from the table.

"All right, Alfred," Ivan said with forced cheer and a plastic smile, "now that we are alone, we can talk."

"What do you want?" Alfred asked warily, feeling cornered, wishing he were allowed to bring weapons to meetings. At least ones Ivan was invited to.

"I want to talk about that gum of yours," Ivan said, tone still light.

"What?" Alfred gave him an incredulous look, suddenly angry instead of afraid. "You made me wait for ten minutes for that?"

"Will you stop?" Ivan asked mildly, tilting his head. Alfred's jaw hung open, gum resting on his tongue.

"Uh, no."

"Pretty please?"

"No!"

"Ah..." Ivan glanced down, a little forlorn, then smiled brightly as if he'd gotten an idea. "Then I will have to force you."

Alfred's eyes widened and Ivan's smile split to show his teeth. He stepped forward and put his arms down on either side of the American, effectively trapping Alfred completely. The blond let out a squeak, backing up until his thighs were pressed against the desk. His breath was caught with terror, and the gum lay lifeless in his wet mouth.

Ivan leaned forward slowly, mouth open and eyelids low, smelling Al's fake-sweet bubble gum breath and letting the blond breath in the heavy scent of vodka on his breath, before he pressing his mouth to Alfred's in a passionate kiss.

Completely taken aback, Alfred allowed Ivan to kiss him, allowed him to deepen it and poke his tongue into his mouth. He felt like he was getting drunk off Ivan's alcoholic scent alone, and his blue eyes went glassy. His body relaxed for a moment, giving control to the Russian -

And suddenly Ivan pulled away from the breathless nation, smiling as if nothing had happened. He waved amicably, turned to leave, and spit Alfred's gum into the trashcan on his way out.

* * *

_A/N: This was intended as a oneshot, but if anyone wants me to continue it, please review and tell me so! Actually, please review either way; it makes me very happy :3 Criticism is very welcome, and I would also appreciate it if you pointed out typos or grammar mistakes. I hope you enjoyed reading this (even if it is a little silly)! _


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